Silent Conversations

Monday, August 20, 2007

Silent Prayer

She is afraid to let me go. She is afraid of what others will think about her. But this cannot continue for long. I will have to leave her soon. I know parting her means death to me. But still I have to leave coz am not able to see her suffer this way. The more she is holding on to me the more is her heart aching.

I’m not the reason for her sorrow – but am responsible for the pain in her heart. Only I can take the pain away – away with me when I go. But she is not letting me go.

I get this thought suddenly - What am I going to do – part her or desert her? I have been with her so far. Who will be with her after me? I don’t want to leave her alone. I want someone else to take care of her after I leave. I utter a silent prayer for that someone to come soon and take my place.

I decide to leave now no matter how much she tries to hold me back. She sees all her effort go in vain as I come out of her eyes. She is trying to close her eyes and arrest me inside. But I escape her closed eyelids and start rolling down her cheeks.

As I roll down her cheeks I see a hand. No. It’s not her hand. It is someone else’s hand coming to wipe me off her face. I see a reassuring smile and feel a gentle touch. I’m glad my prayer is answered. I rest in peace seeing her lips curve to give birth to a beautiful smile.

Posted by sugi :: 10:23 PM :: 9 comments

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Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Is it the end or a new beginning?

I’m struggling to hold myself together. I see you leaving me and moving far away with every second that passes. I want to scream for help but no one is listening. There is nothing that I can do - nothing to heal your pain; nothing to freeze the time and make the moment last; nothing to really stop the fate from taking you away from me.

I stand still - cursing myself for being helpless. Why couldn’t I stop them from taking you away from me? Why couldn’t you put up a fight to remain alive? Why are we not given the power either to fight fate or accept it? What should I pray now? What should I ask God for - to give you enough strength to face this pain or for me to accept the harsh reality and to go on with life.

I'm desperately convincing myself this isn't as it seems; that this is nothing more than a horrible dream - too scared to wake, too frightened to sleep. I’m longing to be alone together - just you and me. You can't just leave, our journey hasn't even begun. I see that fear in your eyes and wonder whether it is your own or the reflection of mine.

I see you losing balance - giving up the final resistance and falling down; I take you in my lap as you fall and stare at you – the still and unmoving you; sadly reality begins to hit me – this is not a dream as I’m not waking up. Like everyone else you have left me, or rather, taken away from me. Like always someone else will come in your place. But none can replace you and the special relation I shared with you.

Is this the end or a new beginning - the end of the times we shared together or the beginning of the memories that are going to be treasured forever?

You leave me with lot of fond memories, lot of questions and some guilt too - that I let you go; but what else can the land do when fate in the form of humans come and take the lives of its children away.

Posted by sugi :: 1:22 AM :: 0 comments

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Familiar Stranger

She knows nothing else other than waiting for him. She is doing the same even now. He seems to come near as well as go far with each passing moment. There are so many like him trying to come closer to her. But she is searching only for the traces of him in the others. What is it about him that makes her wait relentlessly? What is it that separates him from the rest? What is it that fills all the emptiness in her? She doesn’t know – all she knows is to wait for him.

It was a special moment when they met each other. She thought he was just like others but he proved her wrong. And she never regretted for being wrong. He had brought a gift for her – a very special gift that she treasures till now and will forever. She found a rich contentment and a deep satisfaction with him. Time flew fast when they were together and it was soon time for him to leave. And to leave he had to.

To let him go was the only option in front of her. But she created a second option – to let him go without guilt – yes she hid her sorrow until he left and showed as if she accepted the fate. To accept the fate, yes she did – but with unshared sorrow and unshed tears. She was sure he would come back to her one day and from then is waiting for that moment.

Her prayers are finally answered. Here he comes back. He has so many stories to tell her about the other end of the world. She listens to him gleefully. He hands her yet another gift he had very safely brought for her and is ready to start his journey. She feels weak. She wants to hold him back with her – doesn’t want him to go away from her.

After a moment of thought she understands this is the way of life. He can’t be with her always. But wherever they are they always carry a part of each other with them always. They will never actually part even if they go apart.

She then smiles and bids farewell to him burying the sea shells he brought for her deeply within her.

Posted by sugi :: 7:24 AM :: 2 comments

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Monday, June 18, 2007

From Darkness to Light

I don’t like this place. I feel like a prisoner trapped inside darkness for eternity. I was free earlier – free to do what I wanted to do; free to go wherever I wished whenever I wished. But now am in a different world – world that has separated me from my home; a world that has taken away my freedom; the world where I do not belong.

I’m scared. What will happen to me? What will I do here? Will I ever see light again in my life? Will I be able to get out of this mess? Will I ever get back my freedom?

Lot more questions arise in my mind. They only increase my remorse as I’m unable to find the answers. I have never been like this so far. Why should I worry and repent about things I can’t change? Why not try and find out what this new world is all about - may be it’s a better world; or may be not; may be it’s interesting and challenging; may be it’s more rewarding; or may be not.

With the newly found curiosity I look around myself. I see a lot of doors. A sudden thought of hope comes in my heart. Somewhere behind one of those doors is my freedom waiting for me; if only am able to find out the right door; if only I can surpass all the stumbling blocks on my way to success; if only I have the persistence to get what I want.

I sense a new force pushing me ahead to try the options in front of me. I select one of the doors and move forward with all my force. Hey!! What is this!! There are no hindrances as I expected. I go out and see the light!! Have I been so lucky to get it right the very first time? Or is it the same with all doors? My curiosity pulls me back into the same old place to try the other options. I come back and go out again selecting a different door this time. And it’s the same story again.

Wait!! What do I see outside – I see people waiting to see me. They are looking at where they want to find me instead of looking where am present. They appreciate and applaud when I trick them each time. This appreciation is new to me. It gives me a strange feeling of pride and joy. I attribute it all to the new world that put me to test under unknown conditions to bring out the best in me.

They call me a musical fountain; but all am is still the plain water that learnt to adjust and enjoy the new challenges in life without just complaining about changes and wasting time.

Posted by sugi :: 4:43 PM :: 3 comments

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Completed my tag!!

Finally I have completed my tag. I have them at my other blog My World and my dreams. I thought that would be the best place to post things about me. I took a very long time to complete this tag :-( but happy now as I completed it :-)

Posted by sugi :: 5:42 AM :: 0 comments

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Monday, May 14, 2007

Journey of Life

I was here yesterday. I’m here today. And I’m worried I will stay here all through my life. All I do is sit here and wonder what the purpose of my life is. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? To stay here forever, I would happily do if only that is what I’m expected to do. But that is not what I was sent here for. How do I find out the purpose of my life? One thing is certain – I’m not going to do anything useful sitting here and just thinking.

Two options lie in front of me – to stay in my comfort zone, enjoy life and die without leaving a mark; or take a chance, leave my comfort zone and explore the new paths and search for the meaning of my life. It’s hard to choose you see, coz choosing one means leaving the other forever. And it’s harder when what is to be left means so much and is very dear to you. I pick up the harder choice – a tough one but only this seems right to me. I bid farewell to my family and friends and step out of my comfort zone.

Where do I go now? It’s the same question I had asked myself several times before. But now the situation is different. Finding an answer was not mandatory earlier but now it is. This is both the beauty and challenge of taking the risk and facing the unknown. Lost in thoughts I follow the invisible force that is taking me far away from my home.

I continue my journey – stopping here and there in between; sometimes admiring the beauty of nature, sometimes protecting someone from sun or rain and sometimes helping someone cross the river. This is turning out to be a very interesting journey. Darkness surrounds the place and moon comes out of her hiding.

I enter a park. It is a big park but not many people around. There is the watchman near the entrance talking to the person who is making his way out of the park. Here a mother is having a tough time explaining her kids that it is time to leave. There is an old couple walking near the fountain holding each other’s hands. Then there is this young girl sitting on the bench. Not wanting to disturb the mother and the couple, I move towards the girl.

For a moment, I doubt whether she is one of those beautiful statues in the park. She is staring at the tree in front of her. She looks sad. Her face looks as though she has been crying for days together. Her eyes are full of tears waiting to fool the guarding eyelids and touch her cheeks. I wave at her but she is not noticing me. I jump up and down, go around her like crazy but she is so much lost in thought that nothing gets registered in her mind.

The first drop of tear escapes her careful eyelids and falls on her cheek. I’m feeling sad. I don’t want her to cry. Not knowing what else to do, I raise, touch her cheeks and dry away the tears. Surprised she takes me in her hand and stares at me for one long minute. Then I see her lips slowly curving and yes she is smiling at me now!!

I’m feeling at the top of the world..!! Purpose of my life…yes I understand the purpose of my life now…I was sent here so that I could understand and ease the pain of someone and make them smile through their tears. Being a reason for a smile gives the greatest happiness and a sense of satisfaction that nothing else can match. This is a universal truth that applies not only to me – a small leaf that fell from the tree to start its journey along with the wind, but also to everyone out there under the sun. I continue my journey happily to bring more smiles on my way.

Posted by sugi :: 3:33 PM :: 2 comments

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Thursday, April 19, 2007

Meeting to Part or Parting to Meet?

She left her home. One long second she stood there staring at the new world and then she started her journey. She took her first step, wondering what future had in store for her. She felt alone and weak, but was compelled to move forward; for this is the path destiny has chosen for her; for this is the path that will take her to where she belongs; and where she is expected to bestow her responsibility.

She met him soon on her way. She realized at that very instant that he has come to be with her and guide her safely to her destination. In time she became attached to him. 'Alone' no longer existed. They sang the words together to play the best music world has ever listened to. He took her safely with him and together they explored the new world and enjoyed the beauty of life.

She listened to the many things he told her on the way. And each time she listened, she learnt something new – about him; about herself; and about the world. Somehow she felt he wasn’t a stranger in the world which seemed new only to her. She learned to trust his instincts and just follow him wherever he took her. She couldn’t help but trust and depend on him.

From strangers to friends, and then to best friends they traveled far along the path of friendship, avoiding the bumps and always in step with each other. But all good things come to an end and so is this path; the path which helped her find a new friend; the path which taught her the secrets of life; the path which molded her to take up her responsibility; the path which took her to her destination; Yes. He brought her safely to where she belonged and now had to depart.

And when the path came to an end, the wonderful times they shared faded to the past. The road now seemed long. Yes, the road gets hard and things seem rough; but deep in her heart she knows that this is the way it was supposed to be; this is the point till where their association was to be.

She decided to explore all the bends of life with all its terrors, all its adventures, all its mysteries and all its joys. And all this she has to pursue by herself. He will not be with her always hereafter. But yes, he promised he will come to her in her time of need – that is what friends are for. His friendship is now a part of her world and has a special place in her heart.

And then they parted and took different paths at the cross road - wondering whether they met for parting or are parting to meet, and hoping they would meet some day.

This was how it was supposed to be for this is the story of the rain drop which was assisted by air in reaching its destiny.

Posted by sugi :: 4:44 AM :: 3 comments

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