Silent Conversations

Monday, August 20, 2007

Silent Prayer

She is afraid to let me go. She is afraid of what others will think about her. But this cannot continue for long. I will have to leave her soon. I know parting her means death to me. But still I have to leave coz am not able to see her suffer this way. The more she is holding on to me the more is her heart aching.

I’m not the reason for her sorrow – but am responsible for the pain in her heart. Only I can take the pain away – away with me when I go. But she is not letting me go.

I get this thought suddenly - What am I going to do – part her or desert her? I have been with her so far. Who will be with her after me? I don’t want to leave her alone. I want someone else to take care of her after I leave. I utter a silent prayer for that someone to come soon and take my place.

I decide to leave now no matter how much she tries to hold me back. She sees all her effort go in vain as I come out of her eyes. She is trying to close her eyes and arrest me inside. But I escape her closed eyelids and start rolling down her cheeks.

As I roll down her cheeks I see a hand. No. It’s not her hand. It is someone else’s hand coming to wipe me off her face. I see a reassuring smile and feel a gentle touch. I’m glad my prayer is answered. I rest in peace seeing her lips curve to give birth to a beautiful smile.

Posted by sugi :: 10:23 PM :: 9 comments

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Is it the end or a new beginning?

I’m struggling to hold myself together. I see you leaving me and moving far away with every second that passes. I want to scream for help but no one is listening. There is nothing that I can do - nothing to heal your pain; nothing to freeze the time and make the moment last; nothing to really stop the fate from taking you away from me.

I stand still - cursing myself for being helpless. Why couldn’t I stop them from taking you away from me? Why couldn’t you put up a fight to remain alive? Why are we not given the power either to fight fate or accept it? What should I pray now? What should I ask God for - to give you enough strength to face this pain or for me to accept the harsh reality and to go on with life.

I'm desperately convincing myself this isn't as it seems; that this is nothing more than a horrible dream - too scared to wake, too frightened to sleep. I’m longing to be alone together - just you and me. You can't just leave, our journey hasn't even begun. I see that fear in your eyes and wonder whether it is your own or the reflection of mine.

I see you losing balance - giving up the final resistance and falling down; I take you in my lap as you fall and stare at you – the still and unmoving you; sadly reality begins to hit me – this is not a dream as I’m not waking up. Like everyone else you have left me, or rather, taken away from me. Like always someone else will come in your place. But none can replace you and the special relation I shared with you.

Is this the end or a new beginning - the end of the times we shared together or the beginning of the memories that are going to be treasured forever?

You leave me with lot of fond memories, lot of questions and some guilt too - that I let you go; but what else can the land do when fate in the form of humans come and take the lives of its children away.

Posted by sugi :: 1:22 AM :: 0 comments